Lists — What to Think About Art

How I Became a Painter In Six Self-Portraits, and You Can't Either

I sure hope I’m not wasting my life!

Fictional Characters, Ranked in Order of How Well They Use Their Stuff

There is joy in efficient resource usage, like how I tie together this monstrously long essay with the thinnest of critical through-lines.

Goals for When I'm Super Rich, Ranked By Artistic Inspiration

There’s more to it than Eyes Wide Shut. Let’s tell ourselves that.

Prestigious Homages to 2001: A Space Odyssey, Ranked in Order of How Much Dad Love is the Key to the Universe

Every three years a white male director aged 45-55 walks into a movie producer’s office and says “I want to re-make 2001: A Space Odyssey, but you know what? It’s a love story.”

Film and TVWhat to Think About ArtJuly 16, 20202001 a space odyssey, film, contac, arrival, high life, moon, solaris, ad astra, interstellar, dadComment

The Eight Best Episodes of The Mandalorian Where Mando Leaves Stuff Lying Around and People Try to Take It

There goes Mando, leaving his ship parked in the middle of nowhere with nobody guarding it. I wonder if there is any plot or thematic significance to this.

Film and TVWhat to Think About ArtJuly 15, 2020mandolorian, star warsComment

Can it be coincidental that the Brescia, Italy public film library had all these Tim Roth movies?

Unlike Slate.com, I don’t play games with you. This post is exactly what the title says it is.

Film and TVWhat to Think About ArtApril 26, 2020movies, tim roth, quentin tarantinoComment

Inefficiencies at the Monsters, Inc. Power Plant, Ranked

Monsters, Inc. might be a good movie, but it is definitely a poorly run company.

What to Think About Being an Artist with the Internet

How can one hope to be a legend when there’s 8,000 people on the internet demonstrating how much one sucks?

Other, Film and TVWhat to Think About ArtNovember 17, 2019art, music, Jaco Pastorius, bass, Davie504, Donna Lee, teen townComment

The Following Classic Books Are White Nonsense

Even the ones that are good.

Borges, Stravinsky, and Badness in the Artistic Process

Music school wasn’t about how to make music good. That part was, perhaps wrongly, assumed. No, music school is where you figure out whether music should be good. And that’s where it starts to get bad.

Art Beloved Only By White Men Over 35, Ranked In Order of How Much It Should Be Despised By Right-Thinking Americans

White men, take heed: home-made charcuterie is ok, statutory rape is not. Pretty simple.

Vin Diesel, the Holocaust, and the Confusing Moral Perspective of Art From 'Other' Cultures

After he sold Street Sharks, but before he appeared in a poster on my bathroom wall, Vin Diesel made a biopic about a hero mobster who rejects free legal advice from Peter Dinklage.

Mid-20th Century Great American Novels About White Men and Their Dicks, Ranked In Order of How Much of an Asshole I Became After Reading Them

White men in the mid-20th century wrote a lot of books about their dicks! That got published and celebrated! Today, those guys write for tv.

Seinfeld, Game of Thrones, The Sopranos, and How to End a TV Show

Seinfeld came as close as it possibly could to reminding us that fuck it, we’re all going to die. In the meantime, what’s so bad about being stuck in a room with your three best friends, talking about shirts?